Articles by Caryl Dennis

Finding My Soul Mate 

          Over the nearly two decades that I have been doing Intuitive Life Readings, the questions most frequently asked by my clients have involved finding their “soul mate” – how to manifest that ideal life partner and break out of what is so often a pattern of less-than-optimal, even toxic, relation-ships? 

          In 1987, I faced those questions myself, and initiated a process of intensive introspection and therapy aimed at resolving my relationship issues.  I deepened my study of the Law of Attraction, sharpened my visualization skills, and practiced using affirmations.  Seven years later, while I had realized my dream of traveling around the country in a motor home, lecturing, offering Intuitive Consultations and selling my books, I still lacked that one person with whom to share it all.  I kept a drawer empty in the motor home and left space in the closet for his clothes, affirming his imminent arrival.  As I struggled through several “practice” relationships over the years, I had refined and expanded (to some seventy-two items!) a list of my soul mate’s attributes, and I reviewed it morning and night, certain that he would appear soon; after all, I had dedicated my life to service and my needs had always been met before – although not always in ways I envisioned.  (I was always careful to add, “This or something better” to my requests of the Universe.)

          As 1995 dawned, I was beginning to panic.  In just a few weeks, my Winter/Spring tour was to begin and “he” still hadn’t shown up.  The year before, I had traveled 15,000 miles around North America by myself in “Magic” the motor home, and as empowering as the experience had been, it was also exhausting.  The thought of another solo journey was unbearable.  So I did what I always do when the going gets tough – I went to the beach.  Desperate, I stood at the water’s edge and screamed into the night at Spirit, God, the Universe, my Guides, any responsible entity:  “If you don’t send me somebody RIGHT NOW to help me, I’m not going to do this anymore!”  Never had I prayed (begged, demanded) with such enthusiasm (emotion). 

          That was a Wednesday evening.  The following Saturday I met Parker, and I knew the moment I looked into his eyes he was the one.  A week later, he moved into the motor home.  It took a few weeks more for him to extricate himself from his previous life, and then we set off on our adventure together.  It continues to this day; we are still very much in love and enjoying the relationship of which I so often dreamed. 

          Affirmations and visualization are certainly a part of the recipe for manifesting your heart’s desire, but emotion and “energy” are the juice that makes it happen and the “real” secret.  Feel it – act as if you already have it – watch the magic of the Universe respond.

          My mission is to help people prepare for the relationship of their dreams by first clearing out limiting belief systems and patterns (in other words, getting rid of what they don’t want), then achieving clarity about what they do want and mastering techniques that will empower them to get it. 

            I believe humans are designed to “go two by two”.  I have certainly found that life is easier (and more fun!) when one has a compatible partner with whom to live it.  It is my desire to do what I can to help others manifest their soul mates. Over the next couple of months I will be sharing more insights into how you can manifest your “heart’s desire”.  In the mean time, starting working on the list of YOUR “perfect mate” – first person, present, positive statements – dream big!

Look Within Before Looking Without

           If you’re single and you’ve seen the movie, The Secret, you’ve probably made up a list of your ideal mate’s attributes.  Are you really ready for this person to show up in your life?  Do you still have unfinished business from a previous relationship, such as finalizing a divorce, selling joint property, removing your ex’s picture from the night stand, removing the clothes that he or she left behind, getting back that key to your home that your ex never returned, removing the wedding ring at last?  How about that exercise program you’ve been meaning to start?  Survey your life and see what still needs to be done to make room for your ideal relationship.  Make a list and cross off each item as you complete it.  Reward yourself when they are all complete; celebrate! 

          How about guilts or regrets?  Is there anyone to whom you feel you should apologize?    Anyone you want to thank or tell how much you love them?  Any lingering wounds to heal?  Any “bad” habits you’ve always wanted to change:  smoking, overeating, drinking?  Would you want your ideal mate to have those habits?  Remember, like attracts like on the spiritual plane. 

          The Mirror Principle can be helpful in this process:  what about other people annoys or repels you?  Tardiness, talking with one’s mouth full, acting “stupid” when they drink, interrupting others when they are talking?  Chances are, these are behaviors in which you may have engaged, so your subconscious mind draws your attention to them in others.  If you can’t see it in yourself (and we often cannot or will not), you might want to ask a close friend who will be honest with you. 

           Forgiving yourself and/or others is one of the major issues that can hinder the manifestation of your ideal mate.  There are three sides to every story – yours, theirs, and the truth.  Everybody was doing the best they could at the time and yes, we wish it could have been different, but there it is; what will you do about the situation now?  

           You might want to write a letter to them, thanking them for everything you received from your interaction with them:  your beautiful children, that great vacation, those romantic walks on the beach, their help in identifying what you don’t want in a relationship.  Next, say without recrimination or sarcasm whatever you never got a chance to say at the time.  Take responsibility for your part in the experience.  Remember, you were getting some sort of pay-off or you wouldn’t have stayed so long.  Explore how you felt when this or that happened.  Thank them again (gratitude will shift your attitude).  After you sleep on it, you might want to actually mail the letter, if that’s a possibility (you might want to revise it!), or you could create a “releasement” ceremony:  build a small fire, read the letter out loud one last time, feel the emotions – the pain and the joy.  Cry, if you feel like it.  Place the letter in the fire.  As the smoke goes up, release the past, give it all back to the Cosmos as you say to yourself, “I forgive you and I forgive myself;  I set us both free in love and gratitude for the life lesson.” 

           There is an extensive Profile available on this web site that can remind you of some other issues you might want to consider.  

            Now that you’ve looked within and cleaned up some dangling “issues”, you’ll be ready to begin a new relationship, both with yourself and with someone else.  Next month we will explore “21^st Century Matchmaking” – the latest techniques and technology for finding your soul mate.  

21^st Century Matchmaking – Internet Dating

     So you’ve cleaned up your “issues” and your space, made a list of your ideal mate’s attributes, and now you’re ready to manifest your soul mate.  Where to begin?  About 40 million Americans are searching the Information Super Highway – the Internet – for their mates; Internet Dating has entered the mainstream.  While it certainly increases the possibility of finding someone who fits your detailed list, many questions confront the beginner.   First of all, which site to choose?   You’ve probably heard and seen ads for the big ones like eHarmony, Yahoo Personals and Match.com, but there are also many “niche sites” that continuously spring up:  SpiritualSingles.com, singleparentsmingle.com, largeandlovely.com – the list is voluminous.  Many sites do not charge the user to view their members’ profiles and/or respond to emails, but if you want to actually contact someone, get out your credit card.  Some sites, like eHarmony, do the searching for you, some offer it as an option.  In order to decide which site(s) to use, you’ll need to do some research - rules and costs vary widely.  

     The complaint I’ve heard most often is that people on dating sites lie!  While I can offer no statistics as to how often this actually happens, it’s common enough to be a huge issue.  If you are reading this article, you are probably more interested in finding a “spiritually awake” companion, and one would assume, or at least hope, that such prevarication is not as prevalent among folks who understand the laws of Karma as it is among the general public.  There are several web sites devoted to matchmaking for the metaphysically inclined; I suggest you start with them.  

     Get out your “ideal mate” list, review the ”Profile” page on my web site (see below) and go to work.  Some sites have very extensive profiles and compatibility reports, so set aside plenty of time to wade through them.  At least one clear, close up, smiling, recent photo is a MUST.  (A friend of mine advises that you should always look better than your picture, so prospects will be pleasantly surprised when they meet you in person.)  If you aren’t willing to post a picture, don’t bother registering; most dating sites offer a search option, with or without pictures, and picture sites are the only ones that get looked at.  Videos are also available on many sites.  Remember, don’t pretend to be what you’re not!  Write your profile as if you were talking to a prospective mate (i. e. be conversational, not stiff and formal).   You will need to come up with an on-line user name and a headline/tag line to identify yourself.  Be creative; avoid clichés, and make them say something about who you are, with humor if possible.  Funny is always good. 

     Now you’re ready to begin your “campaign”.  Surf the ads, keeping in mind your list.  Email the twenty prospects who most closely fit your criteria.  If their responses seem promising, progress at a comfortable pace to online “chatting” (many sites have their own chat rooms).  Maintain a log so you can keep track of whom you’ve contacted and how you feel about them.  Once you’ve narrowed the field sufficiently, talk to the chosen few on the phone.  Don’t say anything online or over the phone that you wouldn’t say in person.  If you’re still interested after all that, then arrange a face-to-face meeting.  

     Some common-sense rules to observe:  Again, be honest (I can’t emphasize that enough); don’t send the same email to everyone; reply to everyone that contacts you; be polite; avoid profanity or off-color jokes; don’t bombard someone who interests you with emails to the point that you’re harassing them; don’t string anyone along if you’re not really interested; sign off with first name only; no personal information until later. 

     Which brings us to the subject of security, an extremely important issue when engaging in an Internet dating campaign.  Acquire a special, free email address to use just for your dating communications.  Use a pre-paid calling card for the first call.   Don’t reveal any personal information until you’re sure you want to get involved with the person.  Meet in a public place the first time – never let them pick you up.  Bring your own money.  Take a cell phone and tell a friend what you’re doing.  Many people are “Googling” prospects before making a date.  Always keep your antennae up and trust your intuition!

     One last thing:  there are sound, scientific reasons to get to know a prospective partner for at least a month before having sex with him or her.  Sex makes your body produce Oxytocin, a chemical that promotes bonding with your partner, regardless of how well you know him or her; in other words, it can make you blind to things you might find repulsive if you weren’t lost in the sexual afterglow.  There are articles on my web site on this subject – it is fascinating and important information to explore.    And, of course, don’t forget condoms.  A friend of mine makes an appointment at a clinic for both of them for tests before getting intimate; she calls it “a special date”.  These days, one can’t be too careful. 

     If you would like help with any or all parts of the Internet dating process (it can be daunting!), I offer Matchmaking Coaching.  If you find a good prospect, I also offer Life Color Compatibility Readings.  Otherwise, stay focused on your “ideal mate” list (don’t “settle”!), have fun, be safe, use your intuition and enjoy the adventure.  Happy hunting! 

Caryl Dennis, Intuitive Consultant, Matchmaking Coach and Author, www.RainbowsUnlimited.com, www.21stCenturyMatchmaking.com,  727-441-2270